So, I guess a good place to start practicing this is online. I recently signed up with AOL. Yesterday, I was feeling particularly mischievous, so I did a search for all the males in Harlem. EVERYBODY is trying to be a Homothug! Nigga this and bling bling that ... and you know, I need to be honest: I do not relate to that at all. I often find myself lapsing into that language just to fit in - and, you know, the language isn't as heinous as the methodology, but the methodology turns me completely off. Something else I can't relate to is ANY subterfuge regarding identity. So many guys (well, not THAT many) will try to talk to me after they've looked at my very informative Yahoo! profile (complete with stunning photo *grin*). I'll go to their profile and there's no picture, no stats, no interests, NOTHING. And they'll be MAD when I point this out to them. That irritates me ... and THAT'S what I allow to get in the way. We can't have that, so I'm making the change. I'm changing my reality. My reality includes people who are the wrong people, true, that's life. But my reality doesn't have to include my FOCUS on them or my lack of focus on the people who I really want in my life. I need to make a conscious and unapologetic effort to choose those people for my survival, for my happiness - for my life!
May 2002 Archives
The birds are chirping ever so prettily this morning! One of the cute things about living here is the sound: I don't hear any traffic, the birds are lovely and the carillon from St. Martin's (which is right next door) is beautiful and sedate.
Yesterday, Gordon took me out to breakfast at our favorite Harlem diner M&G's to celebrate his new residence! YAY! His staying here was really beginning to put a strain on our friendship, so I'm glad to see him move ahead with that aspect of his life. And I'm glad to have my space back ...
I recently spoke to my friend Colin about men. He suggests that I marry (or at least have sex with) "one of my good girlfriends." Now, that's not a concept that I would scoff at, but when I look around at my closest friends, I don't really sense that type of attraction from them. And I'm usually the one saying "Oh yeah, honey, you're cute! Any man who passes you over is an idiot!" without a lot of reciprocation ... It's something I've thought of before, too - choosing friends to whom I'm attracted and who find me attractive. If I look at my circle right now, I have a LOT of friends who I'm attracted to, but I think that attraction is more one-way than not. What to do, what to do?
Well, Colin also suggested that I swoop down on men who are either recently divorced or recently widowed, so maybe I should take his advice with a couple of grains of salt ... *grin!*
I wouldn't usually dissect your site like this, but I just couldn't resist! Ooooo, JOE! That red! Those eyes! Hmmmm, are you PURPOSEFULLY planting subliminal reasons (like Joe!) for me to consider moving back down there? HEY, are you plotting this coup with my mother??? I could just SEE her in cahoots with you plotting to get me back there, too! *LOL!* See, I know what you're doing! I got yo number, Jack! *snickers!* Your's too, Jill! *hug!*
There is a new site that I found in Lynne's blog today - it's nycbloggers.com. You can join and put a link to your blog on a New York City subway map and represent your stop. (Click on the logo to visit my stop!) Of course, I'm the only one in Harlem right now. No, Morningside Heights DOESN'T count!
I have to give a shout-out to The Prime One and his husband (and my good friend) EJ! His blog is very cute - I'm loving the features that MovableType offers, like commenting, excerpts, etc. Think I will switch over when I switch hosts - I've fallen in LOVE with Dreamhost!
Duane & Regi are probably on their way to Key West now ... *sigh!*
I want to be loved and eventually married. I never wanted to be single, really, and I kinda hate how I've acclimated to it. I want to love one man who's loving me. No, I'm not just talking about an alternative to masturbation or casual sex. Now you see? I'm becoming jaded. I said that would never let that happen.
Got back home last night after such a wonderous and full weekend! I'm about to get started on some work, but I'm also going to take some time out to scan the pictures that I stole, er, borrowed from my mother's house this past weekend! *grin!* What great fun THAT will be!
It's Fleet Week and there are all these uniformed men walking around ... *wipes brow!*
Yesterday, my wish was granted! I went back to Duane & Regi's house for an impromptu brunch they put together ... and got to see Lee & Alex again! YAY! Duane is one of the biggest reasons that I would move back down here. I really need to be up under him and be privvy to his influence - he is an amazing man and he loves me. Plus, everybody in his circle seems to eventually get hitched with someone that he introduces them to - but I guess, even if I remained in New York, my sister would alert me if he came across a suitable suitor. I AM SUCH a rare bird, so I guess that would be difficult *grin!*. At times, though, I did feel a little uneasy about being the ONLY single person in their midst. I kept wondering what that says about me. Like Mr. Reynolds asked me while sipping ginger tea at Settipani, "Why am I still single when I don't want to be?" *sigh*
Today's Word of the Day is epitome and I sure experienced the epitome of weddings yesterday! Wow! One of my dearest sisters in the world, Duane, was married to his husband of over six years, Regi, at the incredibly pastoral Newton White Mansion - just outside of D.C.! Now, I know you're not supposed to covet your sisters' things (including their MEN - Wow Lee!), but I want to experience exactly what I saw yesterday with my husband when he comes into my life. I'm still on SUCH a contact high from this very special event! I wouldn't have missed it for the world ... well, my presence was really the only thing I could give. *sigh*
Arrived at Union Station after 4.5 hours of bus ridin' hell, but made it in one piece. Saw this guy that I've been diggin' for some months now that I hadn't seen in a while - he sat next to me for most of the trip! So cute! Very husbandly! I'm beat - my mother done TOLD me about these cute holiday pictures, but now she can't find them! Well, it IS 5am. Maybe I'll get her to look some more at around, oh I don't know, 2pm later today! *grin!*
Then again, maybe not. Duane and Regi's holy union ceremony is at 5:30pm. I'm so happy to be here for that! I don't plan on partaking of any D.C.'s Black Pride festivities. Seems like they are featuring some cute events (Wellness Expo, UHU's Positive Brothers Picnic and BLARE's Spoken Word Slam), but I probably can't afford to hang out. I just can't be galavanting and Watching Tons of Deceit ... *grin!* ... I need to get back home and hit the ground running on my new projects.
I just got back from walking my friend Darrell to the 2 train. On the way back, I visited Turning Heads! WOW!!! It's basically right around the corner from my house now! My girl Shannon took me through every nook and cranny of this place while I told her of my attempts to control my money instead of it controlling me. When I get some coins, I'm going to control them with some body polishes, some massages, some facials ... ooo, I can't wait! I'm so impress with this business and I'm so proud of her! The walls are still speaking to me and inspiring me ... damn, I need a digital camera!
Ah, anxiety lifted! The lights are still on! The phone is still ringing! And my landlady will soon have a smile on her face!
One thing that I'm learning about my life is this: I want to control money more than money controls me. Well, I guess the first step would be to actually get some, right?
Today, I added three more peaceful images. I hope they bring just a little peace to your desktop ...
I haven't blogged much lately, I know. This transition from corporate web designer to freelance web designer has been a bit daunting. Lots of things coming down the pike, but I wish they would just come on already. Damn.
*deep breathing exercise*
I know I just need to hold on. You know, the anxiety brought on by unpaid bills. Send out some good energy for me, y'all.
You know, I've been thinking about redoing this site in Flash. As soon as I learn how to access my blog through Flash (probably with XML), it's a done deal. And THAT will be cute!
Okay, here's another new addiction, and I'll blame this one on Keith:
Her name is Alicia Banks and her column is called Eloquent Fury! Okay, so it's not award-winning web design *crosses fingers!* but her articles are so on-point that it's no joke! She's FIERCE! Some articles I've just read include "2000=1900: REPUBLIKKKANS STEAL A NATIONAL ELECTION!!! RACIST TRAPS SNARE MILLIONS OF VOTERS bushWHACKED AT POLLS NATIONWIDE!!!, "SAARTJIE'S BELATED HOMECOMING: SARA BAARTMAN RETURNS TO SOUTH AFRICA!!!," and "BUMPING AND GRINDING ON BABIES...ON R. KELLY." Check her out!
My mother and I are addicted to rival soaps! She loves NBC's Passions and I love ABC's One Life To Live - and they both come on at 2pm! See, that's why I'm addicted - genetics! I'm genetically predisposed to loving One Life To Live! There, I feel MUCH better now!
Speaking of One Life To Live, I now know why the woman who plays Lindsay seems so familiar - she's Catherine Hickland and she used to be David Hasselhoff's on-screen squeeze (and off-screen wife) during his Knight Rider days. And, boy oh boy, did I LOVE me some Knight Rider! Well, that marriage didn't go well, but she IS married these days ... To Michael Knight! No, she's not obsessing (or is she?) - she's married to All My Children's Michael E. Knight, who plays Tad Martin. I could just imagine that first meeting ... but they're about to celebrate 10 years of wedded bliss. Congratulations to them! Maybe he'll switch soaps now that Dixie is gone ... whoops, I wasn't supposed to know that! *grin!*
I officially launched this site last night and the response has been great! I really am looking forward to working on new and interesting projects!
But what am I looking forward to even more than that? Especially this week? Especially TODAY?!? What, you might ask ... well, okay.
*inhale*
*exhale*
Today, One Life To Live begins a week-long LIVE broadcast! Yes, you heard right - I LOVE One Life To Live - Donald's a soap-opera addict! There, I said it! ADDICT! Certain people know NOT TO CALL when the clock strikes 2! *LOL!* Oooo, those girls know how to bring the DRAMA, and this week they do it LIVE!
I love you, Mommy! Every day, every single day, is Mother's Day ... *hug!*
So now those children down in Atlanta have their very own Apple Store! In Lenox Square! I'm SO JEALOUS! Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but are Lenox Square and Lenox Mall the same mall? Well, I know my friends Eric and Mike will be avoiding it like the plague! *LOL!* YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED! *LOL!!!*
Well, here we are, at home, at last! Today, I moved my blog from Tripod's servers onto my host's servers! No more annoying pop-ups! YAY! My hosting provider was quite expedient about getting me back online since I've upgraded to their Premium service.
So, how do you like it? Can you see it? I know this site won't work in some less fortunate browsers, but I'm working on sharing the love. I chose peaceful images (oh, that sounds like a hint to me! *grin!*) because I want this space to feel like my apartment. I want to extend the peace I have at home to my spot on the web; I think I did just that. Well, what do you think? I would love to know. Holla back ...
As SOON as I finished getting my site (which is everything I could have hoped for!) ready for launch, I tried to upload to my space. Guess what? It's not working. Okay, well, I did just apply to continue with my current hosting provider (yup, in Istanbul by way of Chicago - go figure) ... so maybe I just have to exercise a LITTLE more patience.
Oooo, I could SCREAM right now! But I won't!
*clenches fists!* *deep breath!*
Okay, I'm better. Hmmm, guess that means that this blog will be vacating Tripod's premises immediately! This might be my last blog here! Oh, I'm starting to feel nostalgic again! Oh, all the memories - if these walls could talk! Yeah, okay ... I wonder what I should do with this space once I've migrated the blog to my site. Whatever shall I do?
Okay, my site is going up today now that its design has come into fruition. I can't overdesign it, but I definitely can't underdesign it either.
My site will feature a portfolio that include a gallery of sites I've created - one of them, to my dismay, is no longer in existence. Kokobar.com, the first website I designed is now registered to somebody in Australia ... supposedly. Whenever I felt nostalgic, I could go to nyo.com/kokobar (yeah, New York Online hosted it after the shit hit the fan), but it's not there anymore. Well, I DID find a parody of the Stop Tracy website - that's hilarious!
*sigh* As a burdgeoning web designer in 1996, there was a lot of hope for me back in Fort Greene. I had just quit my "good gubment" job (I faxed my resignation in *rolls eyes*) to pursue more computer work. I had just bought my first computer, a Power Computer Mac clone, and Kokobar was right around the corner from my apartment. Angel offered lots of software in exchange for some web design and I jumped at the chance, really because I thought I'd be working with Julian Bleecker (who was already long gone). I remember feeling so stupid when she recounted to Omar the crush I had on him - to this day, I'm still slightly embarrassed. That summer, I did some work for McLean Greaves of Virtual Melanin. That was my first taste of working from home, which I loved, but it was also kinda trifling. (Guess that's why I wisely chose to avoid UBO.net like the plague years later!) I never got to meet John Lee *pout!* but this passage really wouldn't be complete without dropping his name. Maybe one day. I never really got to know any of these people. I always felt like I was on the outside, trying to look in and be a part of something ...
Okay, back to work ...
After spending (maybe wasting is a better word for it) an exorbitant amount of time writing this Tripod-flavored Perl script to handle the form at the bottom of this page, I think it's time to redesign this blog. Don't you? Go to that form I worked so hard on and shout out!
AyitiLa.com is now online! It's like those addictive video games I grew up with. Have to make those vegetative Atari 2600 years count for something, right? *LOL!* Something tells me that my future includes more Flash production. *sigh!*
Well, until then, I'm going to trudge along with my merry band of not-the-most-recent software packages. The heat is on *beats back a Verizon rep with a phone book!*, so tonight I'm going to focus on designing my site ... talk about a war between content and design! Last night, I played around in Photoshop with my logo, the primary colors and their complements and created a rainbow-hued mess. Well, not really, but I'm really trying to be more subdued. I'll save that for someone else's project. *grin!*
Well, I really did want to see Spiderman this past weekend, but, as I always say, po' people need to stay home. Won't be this way always ...
Weighing in at almost 70MB (and with a dialup connecting *groan!*), downloading the Dreamweaver MX Preview was a gigantic waste of time. Plus, when it finally finished, it wouldn't start up - it asks for a serial number. *GROAN!*
Well, I think I do want to purchase it, though, I mean Studio MX (which includes Dreamweaver MX, Fireworks MX, Flash MX and Freehand). I can upgrade to Studio MX for $399 because I own Dreamweaver/Fireworks Studio 2. Yes, officially! Shit, I remember buying that crap back in '99 - and then Dreamweaver 3 came out 6 weeks later! I was livid! But now, I'm sure there are LOTS of fixed up faces that purchased Dreamweaver/Fireworks Studio 3 and 4 - they'll be paying the same price for the upgrade as me! Awwww ... *feigns sympathy!*
So, will it be Brasil or Studio MX? Brasil or Studio MX? Brasil or Studio MX? Decisions, decisions!
I also accept donations!
Yeah, my hot ass was truly about to scrap only2dollars.com's web hosting last night, yes, even after my grand overture yesterday. I could access www.anzidesign.com and anzidesign.com while running Mac OS 9, but could only access anzidesign.com in Mac OS X. I sent their support people a series of not-so-terse e-mails, but their fix causes the same "Connection Refused" error in Mac OS 9 that I experienced in Mac OS X. I'm going to be patient, though - sometimes it takes about 2 days to resolve a new domain to get it working ...
In the next four hours, I'm going to try to build a Flash site, from the ground up, and get it online. Stay tuned!
Okay, maybe not, but I am EXTREMELY excited about the return of anzidesign.com, the website where I can revel in hours and hours of fun and unapologetic self-gratif... er, self-promotion! YAY!
