I'm feeling so bubbly lately - floating down the street and looking happy and free. I don't even have a dime of it yet, but the promise of this upcoming job has done a lot to brighten my outlook. I feel really good. I feel even better than before the job prospect! (Well, THAT was easy!) The people in my life have been good to me and that has made all the difference.
I think one of the things I was supposed to learn from this dry spell was to depend on the people in my life - and to learn to accept things that people give me. I've always been a giver - I really get off knowing that I've given to someone something that they really needed or wanted. Especially if I've surprised them. When it's time for me to receive I usually balk and shrink. Reciprocity isn't necessary when I give but when I receive something, I immediately start thinking of ways to "pay" it back. I know that's not good, but I think it's gradually changing.
It becomes tiring after a while when, after you've given something to someone, they CONSTANTLY thank you for whatever it was. Gratitude is great and is appreciated, but after a while a ridiculous amount of continuous thanks can seem like annoying low self-esteem, something I avoid enabling if I can help it. So, I'm going to take my own hint and appreciate the things people give to me (especially That Bloomingdale Boy *hug!*).
Like cash! Mr. George Kelly not only stopped by here, but he also hit me off with some cash! Wow! Yes, the guy behind allaboutgeorge.com! He's a cutie, too, but he seems straight. And married. I really don't know, I could be wrong - maybe I should read his blog more often. It's kind of intimidating, though - like Beloved - but worth an attempt!
And if you would like to test my capacity for receiving, you too can hit me off with some cheddar through PayPal! Or treat me to something from Amazon.com. Or pour your heart into a message - sometimes the best things in life ARE free!
Yeah, so I'm also trying to give myself a chance to engage a man that I'm attracted to. I chatted with Dwayne today but I felt so awkward and uneasy, like a little schoolgirl. Not mature. Trying simultaneously to seem interested and not desperate. And when he gave me compliments (ironically, he sees me as very confident), I couldn't just graciously accept them. I really didn't feel comfortable and I wanted to - I want to know more about this man. I don't remember how to do any of this stuff. Well, we're supposed to talk some more tonight. I'm looking forward to it - maybe that's why I don't want to go online right now! *grin!*
