The Summer Of Love

Now, okay, I've probably set off some red alerts with that last comment. True, I wouldn't advise anyone to date as a remedy for life. But you know what? I'm never going to be perfect, but I can at least make myself presentable. So, fluffing the hair up, spending lots of time in the bathroom primping and chatting it up with some attractive men is sounding like a really good thing.

Crafting The Ad
Actually, I have a whole process. I placed an ad with Village Voice Personals. After much consideration, I chose the most wholesome, true-to-life picture I have (that was difficult) and tried to keep my prose as succinct but as straight-forward as possible. I make it very clear that I'm interested in dating - not receiving e-mail for an extended period of time. I want to meet guys in comfortable, neutral locations - over a beverage, not a meal or a movie or anything too involved that can distract from our conversation. Especially on the first date. During our chat, I want to experience the body language, detect chemistry, etc. and you can't do that through e-mail.

Selecting Potential Dates
Once my profile was done, I did a search for potential dates. I kept my search as open as possible (race, height, location, having a photo are important; weight, religion, education are less important) and combed through the results. Here's where my intuition kicked in, because even if a guy looked good on paper, I gave my intuition the last word.

But some things make is easy to eliminate candidates. Like, if he's not telling enough about himself or being lazy about his profile. Or if he's being too sarcastic. Or if he doesn't seem comfortable. Or if he comes off as vain and pretentious. I'm not looking for a production or a performance - I'm looking for some reality. The ability to communicate plays a large role in what I'm looking for. And if he's not open to either dating or to a serious relationship, then we have different agendas ...

Anticipating The Response
My ad is pretty light-hearted and it gives a well-rounded first glimpse of my personality. I wrote it specifically to zero in on guys who might really want to date me. Probably the single most effective device I've used is the disclosure of my HIV status. Not to be sensational about it, but to connect with guys who can relate - whether or not they are HIV positive themselves. I know a lot of guys will see that and will hurry up and go to the next profile (or even click the close button) but that's okay. It's about choice, my choice and their choice.

I've actually drafted skeletons of my response letters for men who respond to my ad and for setting up the date. And I tell these men, once I reply to either your ad or your response, I'm not sitting around forever. If I respond to your ad, I'll wait 10 days for a response. If I respond to your response of my ad, I'll wait 3 days. If I don't hear anything, I move on. There are too many men in this city, we have too many modes of communication and I have a finite amount of time and energy.

Having Fun!
So, that's the beginning of my dating trials. I want to have as much fun as I can by meeting new people - whether or not we connect on a deeper level. I think I'll learn a lot about myself by practicing my dating skills: really getting good at small talk and mining that for clues about myself and the guy sitting across from me, going out to different parts of the city - just being out there putting my best face forward. I'm excited!

And for secondary (and tertiary) dates? Well I'll keep you abreast of the dating developments, but I'm noticing lots of cute things to do here this summer:

• DJ Spooky Presents "ReBirth Of A Nation"
• The Matrix Reloaded on IMAX
• Pierre Et Gilles
• Harlem: Lost And Found
• Celebrate Brooklyn!
• Central Park Summerstage
• Macworld CreativePro Conference & Expo
• Oleta Adams