It just finished raining, but it's alright. You know, I think it was just this process - looking at my resume, looking at my life - feeling like I've only been spinning my wheels for the last 7 years. I started doing web design in 1996 and my career objectives are still pretty much the same - "looking for a position that utilizes and develops my graphic arts, web page design and programming skills in a productive, progressive environment" ... and I still haven't found what I'm looking for. In the corporate sector, I was used to doing monotonous, menial temporary work - and got used to always being the first to go. I was looking for someplace that I could tolerate as long as I was learning something - as long as I was progressing. But no, the vicious circle dictated reality - no chance of upward mobility complete with the anxiety of trying to do impressive work in the hopes of some stability while never knowing when you'll get cut. Wondering if it was because I wasn't good enough, wondering if it was my Blackness, my gayness, my lack of education, an irrelevant skillset ... what?
When I was working, I got paid pretty well, but that temporary "good pay" just looks like a drawback now when I look at the total picture; it's been about 5 years since I have had any health insurance and in that time really no education to speak of. Yeah, I'm an autodidact, but I can't really give myself those credentials - and you kinda need them to get into the places I wanted to go - to grow. Now, I think I'm pretty good at what I do, but I think recruiters see my lack of education and pass me over. And I can't afford to educate myself unless I find a job that pays well enough. Now I wonder if I'll ever be able to go back to school. There's so much I want to learn.
*sigh*
So, here I am again, dressing to impress - hoping that it will make a difference. I just completed the revision of my site that I began in March. Yes, that little menu under "A N Z I D E S I G N" is now fully operational. Now I can actually point people to a working portfolio. Check it out and send lots of feedback. I love feedback! Now maybe I can get on with the rest of my life ...
And no, I'm not giving up on my business. It's just reality, you know, I'm getting older - I'm eventually trying to buy a home, I have a niece and a nephew to provide for - I need to take care of myself. This catch-as-catch-can stuff is not going to cut it in the long run, unless I make some real moves. And a 9-to-5 won't preclude me from growing my business. In fact, I think getting up and going to work everyday will get me back in the swing of things - for Massa and for myself.
But for now, I'm going to sleep.
ooh, baby. gonna have to provide some rah-rahs. i think i’ll head up to nyc. so much going on these days in my life that’s good. i need to share some of my glow with you.
I think I’ve felt that way before. Not to say I am as talented or qualified as you, or even as motivated or intelligent…. Where was I? Oh yeah. Looking for the perfect job is kinda like looking for the perfect date. Like, by the time most of us find one, we’ll be too old to enjoy it.
First of all you should check out the freelancers union http://www.workingtoday.org/
Secondly never let so-called lack of education set you back. Or make you think you should accept less. Never.
Thirdly, you could continue the freelance biz if you do go work FT. Or you could try to get some contracts with schools, churches, and non-profits to help them pull together their Web sites. Also, if you do take a FT gig, why not look at the non-profit route? Some of the non-profits are worse than corporates, especially those run by Catholics…staunch. But then there are others that are really cool places to be. I would not only sell the design skills, but the writing skills as well. As a package they could take you a lot of places.
And if you’re worried about being black, being gay…making peopel think differently about hiring you…then think about working in a black gay environment…or at least gay…though working with some of those white gay boys could be…well…
Don’t give up on the freelance…even if you must take the FT gig, as I already stated. Perhaps you need a good strategy and good proposal skills to get it really crackalating. You see companies in need of help…you help them automate…design…etc.
Anyway, let me stop sounding like I know everything…I think this happens b/c I teach and have always worked with lots of young people as interns. Sorry if I’m being pushy.