The Love Movement

dagarrat (8:14:04 PM): But I'm learning. I have some fantastic news - you wanna hear it?
stevengfullwood (8:14:45 PM): Yes you got it
stevengfullwood (8:14:50 PM): the BRC gig?
dagarrat (8:15:17 PM): Well, I don't know yet ... but my interview was slammin'!
stevengfullwood (8:15:34 PM): coolie!
dagarrat (8:15:45 PM): I think I left them scratching their heads ... and I think that's a good thing.
dagarrat (8:16:50 PM): So, that's only part of the good news. The other part was that this was the first interview I've had in about three years.
stevengfullwood (8:16:53 PM): good man goo
stevengfullwood (8:16:59 PM): Wow!
dagarrat (8:17:32 PM): So I'm feeling very Madonna Ray of Light right now ... *snickers!*
stevengfullwood (8:18:20 PM): fabulous. keep that energy going. be brave!
dagarrat (8:18:50 PM): It's a bit easier when you have something to hold onto.
stevengfullwood (8:19:16 PM): true...but learning to hold on to nothing could be an option...
dagarrat (8:19:34 PM): I thought about that just as you said it.
stevengfullwood (8:20:06 PM): yeah
stevengfullwood (8:20:11 PM): see how that is
dagarrat (8:21:35 PM): Well, in this scenario, looking for work, I guess that would be manifested by not expecting any response from the resumes I send and being okay with that.
stevengfullwood (8:21:50 PM): could be.
dagarrat (8:22:58 PM): Okay, then let me ask you: holding onto what? What generally shouldn't I hold onto?
stevengfullwood (8:26:16 PM): expectation. what I mean by that is there is something to be said for doing things the best way you know how and being satisfied with it. that whole four agreements thing? One of them is "don't expect anything." I don't know how to do that but I think I understand it. Something about being free and not bring so tied down to deposit return sensibility
stevengfullwood (8:27:41 PM): that's at the crux of what I want to master as I live
dagarrat (8:29:40 PM): Yes, I heard that before and agree on the face of it - I agree that what you do shouldn't necessarily always be informed by what someone else is doing/will do/might do/has done, but I don't really know if that's human. To not expect ... I mean, I'm probably always going to expect a certain behavior (for the lack of a better word) from my mother, from Darrell, from a professional, from a waitress.
stevengfullwood (8:31:26 PM): i think that anything's possible
dagarrat (8:31:31 PM): To let go of that means what? That I'm okay if a waitress gives me trifling service? I can have the perspective to not respond to that and choose instead to enjoy that time with my friends, but it's still not okay for me to pay for trifling service - and eventually it's something I would have to confront.
dagarrat (8:32:16 PM): I think that's one situation where an expectation is warranted.
stevengfullwood (8:32:48 PM): I think that maybe its like this:
stevengfullwood (8:33:41 PM): You can HOPE that getting good service is what you will receive, but EXPECTING good service is slightly different.
stevengfullwood (8:33:54 PM): Expect implies entitlement.
stevengfullwood (8:34:08 PM): That's where I wanna get off the boat, lol
stevengfullwood (8:34:42 PM): I don't want to be the black men I see stomping around expecting to be loved and respected because of their accomplishments
dagarrat (8:37:39 PM): I understand that; I feel the same way. I think, though, that the differences present nuances that makes this a bit more complex. Because I'm not entitled to recognition because of the work I do, but if I give you $1 for a 50 cent soda, I'm expecting two quarters.
dagarrat (8:38:15 PM): And will grit on you if you give me five dimes ... *LOL!*
dagarrat (8:39:43 PM): If I'm getting married to a man and have children with him, I'm expecting him to do everything in his power to help me take care of these rugrats until we push them out the house.
stevengfullwood (8:41:21 PM): I don't think that I am totally feeling you on expectation. I am feeling a little more abstract about it.
stevengfullwood (8:41:46 PM): I want to believe in expectation, but I really don't. People who are good don't get nothing for it.
stevengfullwood (8:42:43 PM): You know what I mean?
stevengfullwood (8:42:55 PM): The universe feels so much bigger than my brain.
stevengfullwood (8:43:10 PM): All my fears....all of my expectation...
stevengfullwood (8:43:27 PM): It feels very very different than how I felt yesterday
dagarrat (8:44:00 PM): I'm estranged from my father. I expected him to take care of me. That didn't happen and I have nothing to show for my expectation - except that I know better. I know what a father is suppose to be to his child and because of that I can be a father. That is what I got from my expectation.
stevengfullwood (8:44:40 PM): Well, see
stevengfullwood (8:44:46 PM): now this might fuck you up a bit
stevengfullwood (8:45:18 PM): but what if this experience happened to make YOU a better person, one who would be what he thinks he should be in this world?
stevengfullwood (8:45:50 PM): What if you wouldn't have been born if it weren't for him?
stevengfullwood (8:45:57 PM): what would you do differently?
dagarrat (8:46:48 PM): Well, I'm not going to be ecstatic in admitting this, but I do think I'm a better person because of his neglect.
stevengfullwood (8:46:56 PM): okay
stevengfullwood (8:47:08 PM): what if you CHOSE him because of that
stevengfullwood (8:47:12 PM): because of some past life
stevengfullwood (8:47:25 PM): what if this is the way it is supposed to be...
dagarrat (8:48:08 PM): Well, that might be, but we are both living today and now and we are responsible for our actions now.
stevengfullwood (8:48:54 PM): I don't think my father was a father. I think he had sex with my mom and that was it. He had good intentions but could only do what he could do.
stevengfullwood (8:50:39 PM): I love him and care about him. I learned that being a father is a lot of work.
stevengfullwood (8:50:44 PM): Being a friend is a lot of work.
dagarrat (8:51:16 PM): It is, but it takes two. You can't be friends for two people.
stevengfullwood (8:51:37 PM): no you can only do yourself
stevengfullwood (8:51:50 PM): and I am becoming more comfortable with that because it is my truth
stevengfullwood (8:52:00 PM): and I always knew that
stevengfullwood (8:53:57 PM): guess that's why I am always a little self-centered and self-motivated
dagarrat (8:54:32 PM): Because you're just doing you?
stevengfullwood (8:55:11 PM): Hardly. It's hard to be a part of a world that sometimes appears not to want to be a part of you.
dagarrat (8:55:44 PM): It seems really futile.
stevengfullwood (8:56:07 PM): but it isn't really. life is bigger than we can imagine.
stevengfullwood (8:56:51 PM): its possible that the gut is wrong and that we haven't been as hungry and brave in looking for the answers
stevengfullwood (8:57:05 PM): I know I haven't. I've got work to do.
stevengfullwood (8:57:51 PM): Love is a sweet thing. I will never ever stopped loving and opening up myself to love.
dagarrat (8:58:13 PM): Now, that's something I've always known. The expanse of our uniiverse is unfathomable, but sometimes it reaches down and through you to whisper, "Yes, you're right." Sometimes ... maybe not often ... but sometimes ...
stevengfullwood (8:58:21 PM): Never ever.
dagarrat (8:59:59 PM): That is the hardest and most necessary work. Hard because it's easy to hold on to ... expectations you've built up, mostly deriving from some sort of lack or neglect or yearning ...
stevengfullwood (9:00:26 PM): true
stevengfullwood (9:00:36 PM): but judging others is a great part of that.
dagarrat (9:01:40 PM): That's another thing we *quote fingers* shouldn't do, but I'm really becoming a believer in believing what people tell you about themselves.
dagarrat (9:02:54 PM): I'm learning to accept who people are. That takes discernment.
stevengfullwood (9:04:26 PM): that takes patience, lolo
dagarrat (9:05:16 PM): Yes, opening yourself up to seeing exactly who that person is, but I make no bones about closing myself to toxicity.
stevengfullwood (9:05:31 PM): Hell yeah!
stevengfullwood (9:05:39 PM): Please
dagarrat (9:06:04 PM): Because everybody ain't trying to be your friend. Some people are trying to kill you and your spirit.
stevengfullwood (9:06:52 PM): yeah but I think the Universe normally takes care of that
dagarrat (9:07:30 PM): Well, that's true too, unless we're being extra hard-headed and have a lesson to learn ...
stevengfullwood (9:07:42 PM): truly.
dagarrat (9:10:49 PM): I'm usually the first person to say "I love you." in any friendship/relationship I've been in. When you said "Love you" in passing the other day, it showed me how I've been holding that back - just in general. It reminded me of the original innocence in that sentiment - I want you to know how much my world is enriched by you being in it. It was a lesson.
stevengfullwood (9:11:22 PM): Man, thanks!
stevengfullwood (9:11:25 PM): Sniff
dagarrat (9:11:31 PM): Thank you for reminding me not to give that up.
stevengfullwood (9:12:54 PM): Nope, carry your treasures to the grave and then some. Love is a healer, don't cha know?
dagarrat (9:13:12 PM): *smile* Yes, I know.
dagarrat (9:14:00 PM): You know, the bloggers are having a get together on the 29th ... you heard about it?
stevengfullwood (9:14:18 PM): nope tell me where and what to bring...
dagarrat (9:15:17 PM): There are sometimes when you shy away from group activities. I was kinda surprised that you joined ourblog *YAY!*
dagarrat (9:15:48 PM): I want to invite you to this new social networking site called Orkut.
stevengfullwood (9:16:17 PM): I joined it, but I have no idea what to do
dagarrat (9:16:33 PM): ourblog or Orkut?
stevengfullwood (9:17:15 PM): orkut
stevengfullwood (9:17:23 PM): bernie asked me to join
dagarrat (9:17:46 PM): *adding you to my friend list!*
stevengfullwood (9:18:27 PM): yay!
stevengfullwood (9:18:30 PM): but what do I do
dagarrat (9:19:11 PM): Well, you can flesh out three different profiles - your general profile, your professional profile and your personal (luv) profile.
stevengfullwood (9:20:28 PM): luv profile? lol
dagarrat (9:21:07 PM): Once you've done that, you can then begin to engage different people in different ways. You can send messages to your friends or to friends and THEIR friends. You can join different communities and meet people interested in those topics - or create your own.
stevengfullwood (9:21:34 PM): Oh I see
dagarrat (9:22:58 PM): Is your phone out?
stevengfullwood (9:23:33 PM): no why?
dagarrat (9:24:05 PM): Mine has been out for the last couple of hours - and I saw Verizon all over the place on the way home.
stevengfullwood (9:24:40 PM): Oh maybe it is
stevengfullwood (9:24:42 PM): eeek
stevengfullwood (9:32:06 PM): we should put this convo on the your site...
dagarrat (9:32:42 PM): Oh yeah? Why do you think?
dagarrat (9:32:51 PM): I'd love to.
stevengfullwood (9:33:25 PM): I have a blog going up about love so would you post it?
stevengfullwood (9:33:33 PM): On Anzidesign?
stevengfullwood (9:33:35 PM):
dagarrat (9:33:46 PM): Sure! Anything you want to edit/delete?
stevengfullwood (9:34:08 PM): nope
stevengfullwood (9:34:25 PM): Lay it out, Negro!
dagarrat (9:34:49 PM): *chuckles!* You got it!