Recently I've observed four people pass on from this life: Nicole duFresne, Rashawn Brazell, Terri Schiavo and Karol Jozef Wojtyla (better known as Pope John Paul II). All from different walks of life, all at different stages of their lives. One brutally shot in the street at 28, another murdered and horrificly dismembered at 19, another removed from life support at 41 and another after a lengthy illness at 84. Of course, I've witnessed different reactions to each of these people leaving this plane of existence, admittedly with some bitterness. As a Black gay man, I contend with seeing Rashawn's death marginalized almost into obscurity as sympathies and respect are paid in widely varying amounts to Nicole, Terri and, of course, the Pope.
I really don't know much about any of their lives. At work the other day, I realized that my co-workers probably know a lot about me. I'm in their peripheries daily - laughing, frowning, wondering, reacting - probably letting them see more than I want to show. Still, just a snapshot of who I am, but true. I look at them the same way. Working together, they have to show me something. Or lie. So, this is what I wonder: how do we extrapolate a whole life from the little bit that we do know?
My guess is this: it depends of who's doing the extrapolating - and why. In our country, the ability to do this is an incredibly valuable commodity offered to few. Yeah, I'm still talking about life - lives all of which begin and end. All of which deserve the same modicum of reverence if their lives, or at the very least, if the concept of life should be respected. I could say "Because you guys don't give a shit about people like me, well, fuck all y'all. I could care less about your dead." and I would be justified, if only to say "Well, somebody has to mourn my dead." I have said and felt exactly that, but it's always only a fleeting comfort - not at all like knowing and practicing a respect for all life and death. Ultimately, it's a skew. Maybe not a skew as far-reaching as an industry of media that creates caricatures out of real lives to sell product, but a skew nevertheless.
That being said, I refuse to excuse anyone from recognizing my own humanity. I know that choosing not to be complicit in others' pathology (be it racism, homophobia or just a plain ole lack of courtesy) will make some of those people feel uncomfortable. So be it. At the end of this life, I want to be known as someone who knew his own value and, because of that, strived to maximize the good he manifested in his life and the world he lived in, but I think those that love me already know that. The loved ones in the lives of Nicole, Rashawn, Terri and Karol know so much more than we can ever know about them and mourn their losses through the lens of knowing and loving whole lives. I hope those connections in life are what resonate with all of our deaths.
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