A couple of weeks ago, I was writing all kinds of haiku about wanting love. I often wonder how that relates to everything else; I wonder about what I really believe about happiness and possibility while wallowing through my own struggles and in the general pain of the world. However, I think it just became clear to me.
My mother's on the way to see me tonight, to attend this event at The Studio Museum in Harlem. And I'm crying. I know I should probably be ecstatic: this might mean that I will be able to do more of what I love. My friends and family will be celebrating an enormous honor that's been given to me. I just can't help feeling, though, that no matter how much I'm loved and that I love and no matter how much success I achieve, there will be someone somewhere suffering. Not able to do anything they love. Giving up. Dying. Someone who says "Fuck it." and stops trying to make this thing we call life work because they realize the same thing - there is not enough happiness for everyone. That it's always been that way and will always be, unrelentingly so, and that there's nothing I can do about it. I'm trying to be in the moment, you know, but any success - this life even - seems really worthless when I realize how unfair living in this world is. Right now, more than ever, it really hurts ...
Oh baby, tonite is just a baby step (shit, no! tonite is really a giant damn step: The Studio Museum in Harlem!!). It’s one of many, many, many more to come. The steps will cover larger and larger space. Believe me, you’ll be amazed at where you’ve gone in a relatively short period of time.
Remember the history of the Studio Museum. They started out small. They struggled and veered on collapse several times. They’re here as a testimony to the spirit of Harlem. And don’t worry about others without means. You can share your wealth — I, of course, mean that in the most un-ironic sense of the word — as others have shared. Your time and commitment and honesty is worth a lot more than any greenback or jinglin’ coins.
Total Peace, Much Love & All-Around Blessings,
Your Brother
I am celebrating this honor as your friend because I believe you’re worthy of it, not just because of what you’ve done but because of how you carry yourself and how you look out for others. I am celebrating this honor because, in spite of any observable evidence, I believe happiness is not a zero-sum proposition; happiness requires a unified field theory to comprehend it, not just a focus on that single variable, suffering, that concerns you so.