Last night/This morning I made the push: I upgraded my blog to Movable Type 3.2 and moved it to a new subdomain. For the most part, it’s been great (especially that 10 second upgrade process!) but there’s still a lot of customization to be done. You may notice broken links and/or images scattered about; I’ll get to them as soon as time permits.
So, yes, we were talking about moving. Well, last week while looking through job announcements, I gave some serious thought to leaving New York City. Bernie’s post on “aging out” really struck a nerve; I kept asking myself “Honey, are you getting what you need out of this experience?” I’m struggling - and I’ve been struggling most of my adult life. And I know I shouldn’t have to be struggling like this.
An ad for a job in Bozeman, Montana (courtesy of Six Apart’s Professional Network) got me to thinking, “If most of my life is spent going to work and coming home, maybe I could do that somewhere else - as long as I had a great job and a wonderful home.” I then went to Montana’s local Craigslist and found a beautiful 3 bedroom townhome in Bozeman for about $1,200/month. Maybe if I moved there with a good friend, I wouldn’t feel so isolated. Maybe it’s time to trade this city life for some of what I really want - to build some stability and get on a path to progress. As it stands now, I rarely go out anyway. I could have a nice little life somewhere else without struggle being so integral to every fucking thing, for the first time in my life. Mind you, I think I can have that life as a Harlemite, but I honestly don’t know if I’m patient enough to see that to fruition.
I identify myself as a New Yorker - particularly as a Harlemite, but I’ve always known that I belong to the world. It’s becoming clear to me that I will have to leave this city very soon to experience whatever that means. Yeah, I’ll come back home, but so much of who I am is out there somewhere. It’s so easy to forget that when I’m just grinding out another day, not even noticing that the days are accumulating into years.
Recently Lynne talked about moving, too. She mentioned Sperling’s Best Places, so I went there. I spent SO much time looking through the myriad of cities that seemed to offer a better life. I could see myself driving to work, loving my job, driving home, going to the supermarket, breathing better air, saving some money - and going somewhere. Enjoying so much more of my life. It’s one thing for someone to say “You know, I really love your work!” but it seems more edifying to actually have years of doing what you love substantiated: be it a having a job for years that has allowed you to develop your skillset (something freelancing hasn’t offered, to me) or buying your own home. Something, damn …
Okay, so here’s two questions that I pose to you, dear gentle and patient reader:
- Why do you live where you live?
- Is it good for you? If yes, why? If not, why are you still there?
I live in Walnut Creek — for now.
Yay for MT 3.2!
My family used to live here in Atlanta and I lived here when I was growing up. It’s the best community for me socially and mentally.
I love the changes so far; esp. the front of your site with that waterfront pic.
MT 3.2 was giving me fits with commenting. For now, I insist on typekey registration. With the few comments I get, it’s not too bad.
I live in Brooklyn. I have a love-hate relationship with New York City. Every few years I threaten to leave for better environs and never look back. Then I remember that my family is here, my husband is here and I really, really love this city.
However, I do see myself possibly leaving in 2/3 years. With the hubby completing his Ph.D. and his field of study very competitive in the city, it’s very likely we’ll either move west or even overseas. Canada is looking mighty good at this point with marriage equality a reality.
Who knows: New York City may finally make a decent man out of me and I’ll stay for a while.
It looks good around here. I’m almost ready for 3.2, but I’m waiting for my designer to finish the new design.
As for moving - it’s definitely becoming more and more a reality for me. I’d say w/in a year. I’m just trying to figure out where I am in my career and what I really want to be doing. And then the partner will be finished w/undergrad and the kid really needs to live somewhere better. BK is no where to raise a kid as far as I’m concerned.
I’m a native NYCer and all my immediate family is here, but most of my closest and dearest friends have moved - DC, Ghana, London, Jersey City. Don’t know how far I’ll go, but I know I want to own something and not just feed someone else’s pockets anymore. I want to breathe better and not be so streesed. And most of all I can do w/out this media/entertainment competition and its other issues.
Congratulations on the new design. I like it alot.
Well, you know me. I’m a small town boy from upstate New York. I feel totally lost in this city and work and come home. I came here in ‘98 and wanted to stay 5 years. I’m now at 7. I have maybe another year left in me then I must leave or I’ll explode. All the good things this city has to offer I can get as an occasional visitor. I want to buy a house, adopt a kid or two and have some peace and quiet. I can only get one of those things here.
Donald. You know I understand this. I left in 2003 and headed to New Orleans, only to find out that I had fallen madly in love with a man I met just a few months before leaving NYC. So, in almost exactly 12 months, I came back.
I have been back for 12 months now, and I am glad I returned, but I am here to complete a few things professionally, take my ass back to school next year, collect up my man, and we’re bouncing in about 3 years.
My main problem is going somewhere smaller (or at least feels less crowded and slower), but with enough Black people and gay people (and preferably BLACK GAY people) so as to not feel too isolated. But the NY I moved here for is completely over. Dead. Done. Never to return.
Now it’s time for phase two. Red checkered apron serving up Icee’s made from frozen Kool-aid to the neighborhood kids while Lionel works in the garden! LOL!!!
Hi Donald, I live in two different places, Jersey City and Chicago. I love the first place, of course, because it’s where Curtis and I have a home, it’s close to the city but not in it, and it has an urban-suburban feel. Chicago is also a great city, except that I hate the winter weather, I hate having to drive to get around (the public transportation is a nightmare there and gas is increasingly expensive, even with an economy car), and though my job is there I feel totally disconnected from most of the communities there. One salvation is having relatives and a few good friends in Chicago, but I could leave it in an eyeblink. Years ago Curtis and I lived in Charlottesville, which is a small, very pretty little city surrounded almost completely by countryside, a Southern oasis with lots of amenities, and I hated it; the isolation, the claustrophobia, and the dislocation of the place, along with the conservative attitudes in the surrounding region, really worked my nerves. Though Charlottesville was a city, I really wanted to be in a real city. I’d say if you want a home, the opportunity to drive, and so on, identify some places, think about how long you might stay in a given place, and then go for it. Every day that I’m in Chicago I miss the East Coast and all it offers; my cousin who lives there and now has a steady boyfriend has been trying to get back to Philadelphia (now with her boyfriend in tow) for almost a decade now. Others I know think of Chicago as the promised land. It really is an issue of perspective.
I’ve been tinkering with a 3.2 upgrade on one of my test sites; I pondered of making the jump back over to MT just for shits and giggles, but Wordpress doesn’t seem to offer an easy way to export entries in a standard format; guess I’ll have to settle for a standard database dump.
Anywho, I’ve been contemplating moving from Atlanta since I got here six years ago in the summer of 1999. The feeling has only gotten stronger the longer I’ve been here, even after graduating and moving from job to job and neighborhood to neighborhood. I really feel like it’s time to move back out West but I just have to make sure all my finances and stuff are straightened out.
Last night, I had dinner with a woman, who, like myself, moved away from New York in search of something more, yet, like me, is realizing all for which she was/is searching cannot be found anywhere, but New York, and today I read your blog. Spirit is always on time!
I have my daze and my moments, when I think I am really getting what I came here for, in fact, last night, I journaled something to the effect of, “well I guess dreams are coming through”, in that I could see and feel the progress in my work, but I have learned work is not the be all and end all of my life.
I came here to establish my career, and I am doing that, but am I happy? NO!
There is something about New York that just cannot be summed into words. I refer to New York as heaven because it is the feeling that is experienced in my soul, when I think of New York, which is 24/7. When I chose to leave New York some 5 years ago, 2 black gay men, and 2 mature-in-age black gay men, warned me to not leave. It is said, “age brings wisdom (from experience), but I could not, or rather, did not want to hear, no I did not want to believe, what they were saying, which was, you will go there and find the best-damn-job you could, but what will happen after 5pm? I live in one of the most beautiful, and residential neighborhoods of suburbia, in a grand-size 2-bedroom apartment (like nothing I could find in NYC unless I were living on the Upper East/West side, and again, who knows?), surrounded by grass, mountains, and a streaming river, but am I happy? Am I fulfilled? NO! Because I will trade it in any day for a run-down studio in Fort Greene, or Harlem!
Why do I feel this way? I guess it is just New York. There is no where else in the world like New York. No where! And I guess I had to come away from New York to learn this, the hard way! There are no free lunches, i.e., New York is expensive, and stressful, and can beat you up, turn you over, but it keeps you coming back for more because of its difference, its diversity, its liberal nature (forgetting Pataki/Bloomberg) its freedom, its passion and fulfillment, and where one can just be. E.g., John can walk down 9th Avenue in a business suit, Jane in a wedding dress, Tyrone in a tank, shorts, and sandals, and no one notices; in fact, no one cares.
For me, it all began Tuesday August 10, 1976, when @ the age of six, my parents took me to New York for the first time on vacation. Somehow, New York struck something within me. I cannot describe it for there are no words fitting such feeling! All I can say is the feeling was greater than me, and somehow it was part of my destiny. For the next 13 years, the things I did in my life were to somehow find a way to live in New York. My parents suggested I go to New York to go to school, which I did throughout an 11-year period. So, I got my bachelor, and master degrees, and my certification too. But, what next? I could not put my education into practice because of a lack of legitimate opportunity. The only way I could have then stayed in New York legally was to engage in a green-card marriage, which just does not fit with my soul.
So, I packed up, returned to the narrow-minded, homophobic, class-oriented Caribbean, where I have legitimate opportunity. I visit New York, yet, it is not the same visiting vs. residing. Thank God for experiences such as your blog, but it too is limiting because, after reading, we cannot meet @ 14th & 7th to go hang out! At least, for the Meantime!
In the past 5 years, away from New York, the one thing that has been the greatest fulfillment for me is the closer I have come to experience and to know that which is God. As much as I search, I know God is present and all is in divine order! That somehow in the midst of all THIS, I know God is leading me through; that God is holding my hand, ordering my steps, leading my way! My therapist believes my return to New York is a divine guarantee. That it is already established. Already written! Some daze, according to Oprah, “that I know for sure”, others,,,,,, well I am only divine, having a human experience! We each have to do what we have to do when we have to do it, and I guess, where we have to do it too. I have faith enough to know this experience will evolve in the right way, @ the right time, to create the right outcome. NEXT!
Donald, at the end of the day, do what is best for you! If you want to leave, then do so, but do know for the direct, liberal, tell-it-like-it-is, enjoy-the-freedom-of-life black gay man you are,,, I do not see you in a Montana. I know you will make the best decision for yourself.
Love always!
I live in Vancouver because my love is in Vancouver. I won’t be here always, but for now I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Peaceful, calm, natural beauty, and relatively sane drivers who don’t try to run scooterists (or brand new auto drivers) off the road. Such bliss.
But if you’re looking for inexpensive, Vancouver is so not it.