I recently went to The Obligatory Corporate Holiday Party; we exchanged gifts that cost about $20 each. I contributed a gift of two CDs (Bettye Lavette’s I’ve Got My Own Hell To Raise and Meshell Ndegeocello’s Dance Of The Infidel) and received Homedics Sound Spa. I ducked out of the party early before anyone could reclaim my gift. Plus I had other business that required my attention. Let’s just say that the Sound Spa works equally as well at home and in hotel rooms … *wink!*
It really is quite soothing. At first I found myself trying to listen for the obvious signs of sampling, but eventually my imagination won that over. My favorite setting is “Rain” - it’s just rain hitting a window or a roof; no rainforest animals or extraness found in the other settings (one of which is a mother’s heartbeat *blink*). It’s been on nonstop since I brought it home.
And of course I’m going to extend the metaphor below the fold …
A friend of mine recently passed away. I say ‘friend’ because that was exactly what I wanted; we’d been sexual years ago and I knew that had no future. In reality, I know he wanted much more; he made no bones about it. And though I had visions of dancing in Brasil dancing in my head (he loved it probably even more than I did and actually spoke Portuguese well), I knew that investing anything in that direction would be a recipe for heartache and disaster. So, I pulled away from him, from his friends. And now he’s gone.
And the guy at the hotel reminded me of him. Both older Black men of means, both more experienced and well-traveled, both a bit too possessive for my tastes. Even though I DO want to be possessed. Go figure. Hotel Guy lives in California and calls to say he misses me. Actually, he said he missed me before he even left New York. But what future can this have?
I’ve been sick lately and being sick makes me think about death. Maybe I’m getting too old to be this choosy? I don’t know; I’m not convinced that’s the case. I just want all parties involved to be happy and to be happy everyone has to get enough of what they want. I’d like to say unequivocally that I can be happy by myself, but being with someone else seems to mutate that happiness and change it into something else. I almost feel like I’m contradicting myself again when I think of how depressing loneliness can be, but I’ve also seen how destructive a lack of communication can be. I guess I’d rather be lonely than to be a hateful clawing spiteful asshole … but I know there are other possibilities, too. Still, it was nice to fall asleep with my body curled up on someone else’s with the gentle rain falling in the background. I want more of that.
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