There are close to 6.5 billion people on the planet. I think most people realize what a miracle it is to meet someone that you love, but I think it’s even a miracle to meet any one particular person. Think about it: out of billions of people, the probability of connecting with any one individual is slim. And precious. Well, at least in theory. I’m sure there’s lots of people that I don’t want to meet - maybe even billions … *chuckle* but I want to be open to the possibilities of that singularity where the probabilities of time and life collide and offer an arena for personal connection.
I rode Greyhound yesterday out of New York to Washington D.C. to visit family. You could imagine how crazy it was a couple of days before Christmas; the bus was packed. The seat next to me was one of the few vacancies, so a man with a large leather-bound Bible (complete with zipper) sat next to me. Although I had on headphones, he was intent on making a connection. I could see where this was going a mile away …
His name was Joseph. He asked me about my profession (“Designer.” “Oh, fashion designer?” “No, a web designer. For the internet.” “Ohhhhh …”). Originally from Nigeria, he and his wife (who was probably taking in our scene from another seat) were on their way to do mission work. He asked about my marital status; I replied “It is illegal for me to get married.” The phone rang and my sister verified that I was on the bus and didn’t chicken out of another wonderful family holiday. I hang up and Joseph wants to understand what I mean about marriage being illegal. I said simply, “I’m gay.” You could see the clouds part in his eyes, but those clouds wouldn’t contain any salvation for me.
He quite predictably went into Proselytization Mode. First, he asked me what my parents thought - not about anything else in my life, but about That One Thing (“If I should meet someone that I’d like to spend my life with, I don’t think I’d need that relationship to be substantiated by marriage. Besides, I really don’t believe in marriage in general because of its origins and its connection to ownership.” “Ohhhh …”) that would doom me to what he called “Eternal Punishment” (which I felt like I was already encountering by listening to him). (He said the words “Eternal Enjoyment” and I knew we’d have divergent fantasies.) I told him that my mother does missionary work with her husband and that while I was very familiar with Christian idealogy, I don’t take it literally at all and in general do not believe in religion as a concept. So he went on and on about “Taste and see.” and all I could think about were moments that same morning in Washington Heights that I tasted and saw! Still, I wanted to be in the moment and just resigned myself to listening for the period at the end of his run-on paragraph. In his mind, our roles were written in stone and ironclad. I finally asked him, “What is it that you think you can tell me about this process that I don’t already know?” Again, taste and see. I shook his hand, put back on my headphones and weeded through my frustration to eventually find some peaceful sleep.
I was mad as fucking hell and pissed off. So much for my theory about the preciousness of every connection to another human being. I opened a door with the best of intentions and here I am frustrated, leaning up against a cold window trying to ignore or at least minimize the impact of what I just allowed to happen to me. For a moment, I thought about the impact I might have had on him, too, but didn’t really care. I wanted him to be happy in his world, where he was. I didn’t really care about his change, but I sure didn’t want him to try to ‘change’ me.
So, the miracle? There are close to 6.5 billion people on the planet. No, each and every one doesn’t present a possibility for connection, but there are still so many that do. In ways big and small …
Merry Christmas…just a brotha who enjoys reading your posting. Keep ya head up and stay healthy.
People are a real pisser, but on the same token, regardless of your sexual preference, it’s really no one’s business. You may consider not telling your business to strangers, since they don’t know you and may not be as accepting (since it’s hard enough for people who do know us, to accept us). Ignorance is world-wide. Don’t let it piss you off.
The Best, FACESITTER
Everytime I read your words, something inside me tingles from the rightness.
Me, I would have avoided the subject all together. Not because I am out or a chicken, but as I get older, I am less and less interested in those kinds of conversations with people… especially when it is a lot better to not be in the moment and be in my moment and check out their bulge or their lips, eyes, face, etc.
Yes, I am aware that that makes me a very bad listener. grins