Life: March 2007 Archives

There comes a time when it’s no longer healthy or feasible to wait for your vision of a scenario to actually correlate to the reality of the current scenario. Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes the answer is no. Acceptance of the negative, in my experience, has proven to always be more difficult - particularly when so much of my well-being hinges on the promise of the affirmative. In the meantime, both parties have needs; it is prudent to expect that my needs will always be clearer to me.

It is frightening how applicable this notion is to so many aspects of my life right now. It makes so many things seem so clear.

Those of you who read my blog regularly (well, when I blog with any regularity) know I’m pretty up front about some of the more intimate details of my life and my psyche. I guess it feels like sharing, overcoming, bragging … no, more like sharing, but most of the time I can’t help but feel like ultimately I’m shooting myself in the foot.

Life has shown me that there are people out there who really don’t give a shit about me and sometimes it has even been gracious enough to name names - sometimes in bold and underline. I run into these people and they mention reading my blog and relaying what they read as if they’re doing me a favor for the couple of strained moments that we have to exist in the world together. Usually I’m nice about it, questioning their interest and smiling through wishing for the moment to end right along with them so we can each return to our requisite corners of the world as quickly as possible. Sometimes, I cross the street.